Friday, 20 March 2015

Eurovision 2015 Preview: Part 3

There's a bumper crop of songs qualifying straight to the Grand Final this year. Have you read Part 1 and Part 2 to see who might be joining them? If so, proceed to the video playlist and read on...

Australia: Guy Sebastian - Tonight Again [solo male, mid tempo banger]
Well played Australia! It's beginning to seem perfectly sensible that Australia are competing this year. It's certainly not the strangest thing that's ever happened in Eurovision. It's probably not even in the top 100 Strange Things That Happened At Eurovision. But anyway, Australia have joined in the party by sending an actual party song about partying. Party. It's not quite Uptown Funk (which is my nephew's favourite song) but it would get things going in the Stadthalle anyway.

Austria : The Makemakes - I Am Yours [alleged rock band, modern ballad]
So this is a sort of Kings of Leon slow jam thing. I bounced off it without being able to listen the first couple of times that I tried it, but it's making increasing amounts of sense. A good hosts choice, but I'm afraid the flaming piano gimmick has been done before 

France: Lisa Angell - N'oubliez Pas [solo female, trad ballad]
My theory is that there are essentially two Frances at Eurovision. There is Fun France which sends Sebastian Tellier and Les Fatal Picards and Twin Twin and there is Serious France which has strong views on the art of chanson and sends this sort of thing. I am a fan of Fun France.

Germany: Ann Sophie - Black Smoke [solo female, mid tempo pop]
The most notable thing about this is how Ann Sophie ended up with the ticket to Vienna. The song is fine, but I think the psychological hit from knowing she wasn't the real choice of the voters is going to be a bit rough on her. Which is sad.

Italy: Il Volo - Grande Amore [Male vocal group, trad ballad]
I don't get it. I don't get big faux opera stuff. I know it's supposed to make me quiver in some way, but I really don't get it. They seem like nice boys though. 

Spain: Edurne - Amanecer [solo female, mid tempo banger]
She's got the drum sound from Madonna's Frozen and she can turn into a tiger and you can't argue with that.  I am going to really enjoy the 'eeeaeeeeaaaaooo' bits in the car. 

United Kingdom: Electro Velvet - Still In Love With You [M/F duo, 'Electro Swing']
Where do I start? There are a number of things wrong here. Go go gadget bullet pointed list!
  • 'Electro swing' isn't a popular genre if you have to explain what it is on the red button
  • Also I think if 'electro swing' is a real genre, I think it sounds more like 'We Speak No Americano' than this
  • You'd think that after all the unpleasantness, they'd think twice about anyone with a Savile connection
  • And while I'm sure the singers are lovely people, how's about some people who'd maybe performed together before?
  • Don't get me started on the lyrics. Seriously, don't get me started
  • If the stage presentation is the two main singers, two backing singers and two dancers doing a Charleston, that will look a bit sad
  • Also, am I the only Strictly fan who is totally over the Charleston?
  • This is all very Strictly results show group dance number, which is totally not a good thing
  • The lyrics, oh god, the lyrics
  • Does no-one remember Alex Swings, Oscar Sings? That didn't go well, even with Dita von Teese involved
  • The lyrics are basically those lists of sexist advice on how to not get raped whilst about your business
  • Or alternatively what a horrible controlling man might say to you if you were dating him
  • The scat jazz section is going to be so excruciating on the night
  • As is the campy American accent stuff
  • Such dismally sexist lyrics
  • It has a nice fiddle bit, I suppose?
  • But still, jeezo.

And that's that. Another Eurovision is ready to roll. Keep listening. I'll see you in May, on my new Eurovision public twitter @eurovisellie for the exciting bits.

PS, as a bonus, here are my less sexist lyrics for Still In Love With You

I’m Still In Love With You (Less Sexist Lyrics Version)

[HIM]      Well, don’t get on the wrong train
Don’t fly in an old plane
Don’t go out in the pouring rain
Or do what you like, cos it's your life
You’re your own person, you don't need a sermon
But take good care when I’m not there
I’m still in love with you

[HIM]      While I’m on vacation, you've no obligation
That'd be a violation! You know I know, I trust you so

[HER]      That should be the norm, dear
Let's educate and inform, dear
It’s unfair to leave it there
I’m still in love with you

[HIM]      Some other guys with where’s and whys
May antagonize you with their lies
I'll just be wise and realize
That I’ve long known that you’re your own, dear

[HER]      Our love has firm basis, so no-one gets jealous
No need to fear when you’re not here
I’m still in love with you
[HIM]      Life won't be like Gaslight
This ain't like Twilight
[HER]      Be warned about meteorites
They come from space, could smash everyplace

 [HIM]      Do what you like, hon
It's your human right, hon
[HER]      That’s awfully decent of you, hon
I’m still in love with you

(the middle 8 is replaced by a brief, snappy lecture on equality)

[HER]      I put it thus, the absurdness
Of gender inequality
[HIM]      But when I stop to think of us
No need to assure you I adore you

[HER]      You think that I'm awesome, not just that I'm gorgeous
[HIM]      You read Voltaire and make knitwear
I’m so in love with you

[BOTH]   Whatever your intent, be mindful of consent
Enthusiastic assent
That's how we do, merci beaucoup!

[HER]      I know what you’re thinking
Don't matter what I'm drinking
Or what I wear when he's not there
I’m my own person too

[BOTH]   I’m still in love with you
I’m still in love with you

1 comment:

Jennifer M. said...

I cannot with the UK entry. It's just so awful on multiple levels. They clearly want it to be "I wantcha around" from Eartha Kitt and Button Up Your Overcoat (from... well, everyone from the 20s-60s), only without any of the wit, charm and warmth of either of those songs, or the excuse of the era for any of the more dated lines-- only it's worse than either of those songs, in terms of what the lyrics are saying! It's just really, really bad.

Also, the man can neither sing, nor chant. So awful.